July...

It's the end of July.

Five months.

It's been five damned months and I still can't forget.

I hate it. I don't want to feel.

I'm just going through the motions this week.

I guess I'm pretty damned obvious. I walk in with a black face every morning and not expect Ms Yeo to notice? How dumb can I be?

Dad's worried enough about little sis. Mum's working late every day and worrying about me AND little sis because of A's and PSLE. I don't need to give them something else to worry about. So what if I'm depressed. I'd best just get a move on.

WL shouldn't be the on in counseling. He's the one who definitely seems fine. I'm obviously not fine.

I'm being selfish, I know. I'm not affecting my friends. Hmmph. What friends? As I quote from Freddie, "Cook doesn't have friends, just people he knows!" Tim's been practically ignoring me since school reopened. YP and WL try to keep me in the conversations, but sometimes, I'm just not interested.

I talk random stuff with the kids on Saturdays, distracts me for a while. Reminds me of what life was like before I met her.

Sometimes, it's all just a mask that I pull.

I want to forget, dammit. I thought things were fine after Mr Leong gave me that talk. But I woke up at the start of the week thinking. "I'm forgetting something."

Then idiot me just had to look at my calendar to realise exactly what I was forgetting.

I haven't got over her. Every time I walk home, it's the exact same route which she walked with me. Every time in the damned train, I think of how we sat there, laughing happily.

Worse, when I walk past a clothes shop with WL and YP on the way home, I'll just suddenly think that "Hey, she'd like that dress."

Fuck la.

Who is that girl I see? Staring straight, back at me.

I don't know anymore.